How Naturism Found Me

[NaturistChristians]

How Naturism Found Me
My Naked Truth

JUN 05, 2024

My journey into naturism started with addiction….to porn! My first memory of seeing pornographic images was around the age of 10. I had discovered the internet and like most in the 90s, pop-up ads were a thing we all had to deal with. I remember clicking the X button on a pop-up ad to get rid of it and I was forced down the rabbit hole of pornographic links and pictures.

At 10 years old, I had no idea that this moment would shape my understanding of intimacy, sex, or even how I saw my body. I was young and extremely curious about the world that was going on around me. The internet, AOL to be exact, was my vehicle to explore things I wouldn’t normally be able to. Before I was able to secure a learner's permit, I was able to travel wherever a URL would take me. I spent hours on that computer! I recall my family not being able to use the house phone for hours because I was “doing homework” that required the internet but they never questioned.

My youthful innocence protected me from investigation. It was through my introduction to porn that I began to compare my body, mainly my penis to what I was seeing on screen. The guys on the scene were my idols. I began to see their bodies as the goal and looked in the mirrors in disgust. As a pre-teen, I was expecting my body to look like that of a grown man, more so an adult film star! It wasn’t until I reached my adult years that I accepted the fact that I still don’t look like those men and that’s perfectly okay. My mind then wasn’t ready!

Again being so young, I had no way of really processing the images I was seeing. All I knew was that seeing these images did things to my body. I remember feeling shame and the need to hide what I was doing. So that’s exactly what I did. I hide my newfound interest from my parents, unknowingly inviting insecurity and shame into my life. My porn search history wasn’t the only thing I would hide. After beginning to watch porn I was also extremely conscious all of a sudden of my body. As puberty happened, I began to hide my body at all costs.

Before then, I was pretty carefree about being naked. I didn’t really know that bodies needed to be covered. My earliest memories of being naked around others were in the locker room before swim lessons. My dad and I would go to the locker room, shower before heading to the pool and put on our trunks. I was naked while showering but never seemed to care, probably because my dad never seemed to. After I had begun watching porn, I avoided locker rooms and nudity in general. I think it was around that time that I even began wearing basketball shorts under my pants on a daily basis, as a form of protection. The feeling of being exposed gave me anxiety.

Due to my secret life, these negative thoughts of nudity and body shame went unchecked for years until I came across Spencer Tunick’s Naked States documentary. I was up late flipping through channels and stumbled upon naked people on TV. There was something about what I was seeing that was different from what I had grown accustomed to. These bodies looked different! There was diversity present. This was the first time I was seeing a wide variety of bodies and I was intrigued. The thing I took away from the film was how comfortable and confident everyone seemed. Despite no one looking like the porn stars I had decided were body goals, people were proud to be featured in the film and were open to embracing being nude. I was thirteen the first time I saw Naked States. I remember then saying I wanted to experience that level of freedom when I grew up!

Fast forward….almost twenty years later and I am the adult I hoped I would be as a kid. In college, I was around nudity a lot more. I began to confront certain insecurities that I had developed as a child. I was home alone one summer and I left my towel in my bedroom. The walk from the shower to my room to grab that towel was a moment my life took another drastic turn. I questioned why I was so uncomfortable without the towel, especially when I was alone. After that moment, I began to challenge myself to spend more time naked. More time naked turned into only putting on clothes when I had to. That turned into wanting to find spaces where I could be clothing optional. Finding clothing-optional events led to me finding community with others who also enjoyed being free to be without clothes. The rest is history (of course there’s sooooo much more). I began identifying as a nudist in the summer of 2014 and I haven’t looked back since. My only hope now is to continue to build community and share my stories with others.

On the first episode of my new podcast, Bear with Me, I will be revisiting this story in more detail! I can’t wait to share more with you all.

BARE with Me…